Body Talk: Belinda Neame

Posted on 20 February, 2019

We’re entering a new era of body talk.

On one hand, we have voices rising up across the world, calling for acceptance and an end to the shaming.

We’re seeing diverse models on catwalks and Magazine covers. The ‘bo-po’ body positivity movement has never been stronger.

On the other hand, platforms such as Instagram overwhelm us as much as they inspire, serving up an endless parade of perfection and highlight reels.

So how does it make you feel? HerCanberra’s Production Manager Belinda Neame explains how an interaction in her teen years shaped her body image for decades to come.

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On 29 December I shared a picture on my personal Instagram page. A picture that was meant to be posted on Christmas Day but my own insecurities saw me hesitate. It’s just a picture of my little family. We are lined up wearing matching PJ’s and the photo is of our legs—a part of my body that I rarely have on display or feel good about.

You see, when I was about 13, a family friend was sitting at the breakfast bar in our family home and as I walked through the door in my shorts she looked at me and said ‘Hi there, fat legs’.

I was 13. Young, hormonal, impressionable, insecure, unsure and certainly well aware of a changing body that I wasn’t comfortable with. And with those four words, there went my self-esteem. Not just in that moment, but still to this day. Those words have carried through into my adult life and it’s not often I will buy clothing that sits above my knee. And if I do, that clothing is only ever worn at home.

After I posted the picture on Instagram, I received many comments and DM’s telling me my legs were ‘hot’ or ‘I can’t see any fat legs there’ or ‘who says those things to a teenager?’ or ‘that happened to me’. It was overwhelming. It resonated with so many women that my HC Team requested I write about it.

I grew up in a very loving household and I had a truly awesome childhood with my parents and my older brother. But I also grew up in an era where women put their bodies down quite openly. Diets were rife—think Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers (I still remember the TV ads quite vividly) and body shaming was just a way of life. I often heard ‘I’m so ugly’, ‘I’m so fat’, ‘I need to lose weight’. I didn’t think a lot of it at the time because it was the norm, but as I grew into myself, I realised my own self-talk was also ‘I’m so ugly’, ‘I’m so fat’, ‘I need to lose weight’. I’ve always struggled with my weight, it’s a daily grind of self-talk to stay on track and I constantly self criticise when I look at myself in the mirror.

But I truly believe in the saying ‘monkey see, monkey do’, so when I became a mum to my son and daughter, I made a promise that I would talk and act differently about myself around them. There would be absolutely no  ‘I’m so ugly’, ‘I’m so fat’, ‘I need to lose weight’. I wanted their norm to not even think about how their bodies looked but, rather, to treat their bodies with respect.

As hard as it has been for me, I have NEVER hidden my body from them. In fact, I make a point of parading myself around half naked! As they became teenagers, I realised this approach would become awkward for them so I adjusted my behavior by giving them a warning—yelling out ‘I’m nude, look away if you want!’ If they cringe or complain when they see me, I give them a hard time back and say ‘What? It’s just a body, isn’t it great?!’.

My 14-year-old daughter still comes into change rooms with me and even though—deep down—I am not happy with how my body looks, I allow her to be there, because if I can show her that I am confident and comfortable in my own skin by not hiding my body, then her natural mindset will also be confidence in her own skin. Monkey see, monkey do!

I don’t often use the word ‘beautiful’ around my children. I don’t want them to think being ‘beautiful’ gives them validation as a person. Instead, I tell them they are strong, smart, caring and funny—these are the qualities I want them to focus on, not what they look like…because there is so much more to them than their looks.

But it’s not easy. I battle with my own mindset and some days it all feels too hard to change how I feel about myself. But I feel a sense of deep responsibility for how my son and daughter will go through life feeling about themselves.

I often wonder about the timing of that comment about my legs. What if it was said to me before I became a hormonal, overly sensitive teenager? Or what if it was said to me now as an adult. Would it have made a difference? Who knows? But as one of my children’s most important and central role models, I must be conscious of how I speak and act about myself around them.

I want to be the generation that has an impact on the body image insecurities of our future generations. I’m hoping by putting my ‘body on the line’, my children grow up being confident, accepting and respectful of their bodies—because, at the end of the day, our bodies allow us to live this beautiful life—regardless of how it looks.

Photography: Tim Bean