It’s easy to ‘write off’ life balance as some kind of fairytale where other people get to play the leading role.  No matter how dire the situation seems, it’s rarely the case that there is nothing that you can change to create some personal space in your life.

Here are five common excuses that people use to stay stuck, and some thoughts on digging yourself out of the rut.

I don’t have a ‘village’

Build your own.  If your family is interstate, uninvolved or no longer here, if you’re a single parent, or if you ‘don’t have people you can ask for help’, work on finding or deepening mutually supportive friendships.  Write a list of everyone you know.  (If you’ve just moved, write a list of places to meet people.)  Who would you like to get to know better?  Who might you be able to form a ‘bartering’ agreement with for babysitting?  Invite some people over for a BBQ.

My partner is next to useless

We teach others how to treat us.  If you’re doing the majority of the housework while your partner is sprawled on the couch, ask what it was about your own behaviour, early on in the relationship, that led to this pattern.  Often one partner, in an effort to please the other, begins by taking on the bulk of responsibility – because it feels good to be needed.  Other times this develops out of a need for control, or a sense that ‘nobody does this as well as I do’. This takes some undoing, and some frank communication, but it’s important to create new, mutually-respectful expectations and responsibilities before this pattern damages your relationship or health.

I haven’t got time for myself

You haven’t ‘made’ time for yourself, which is an important distinction.  Check out the 7 Types of Busy – do any of those resonate?  Do you ask for help?  Can you say ‘no’?  Do you enjoy playing the ‘martyr’?  Are you a perfectionist?

When the oxygen masks drop on a plane, we fit them to ourselves before assisting others.  There’s a good reason for that, and giving ourselves ‘breathing space’ in our busy lives is just as essential.  Make time by identifying where you’re squandering it, and why – then change that.

My job can’t be done flexibly

Some jobs lend themselves to flexibility – others require more creative thinking.  Is your job description up-to-date and relevant?  Which aspects of your role must be done within core business hours?  Is there any aspect that could be done outside of this?  What must be done on-site?  Is there any part of the job that could be done remotely?  Could your role be shared with another part-timer who has a similar skill set?  How could technology assist you?

Do you have kids?  One of the National Employment Standards, effective since 1 January 2010, provides that employees with children under school-age, or children under 18 with a disability, have a “right to request” a flexible work arrangement.  A refusal (required in writing, within 21 days) can only be on “reasonable business grounds” and the employer must detail those reasons specifically.

Have you had a well-planned discussion about flexibility with your manager or HR adviser, or are you operating on an assumption that it can’t be done?   If it really is impossible, have you investigated other job options for this stage in your life?

I’ve got too much to do

Yes – so select what won’t get done.  If you can’t work this out yourself, book a time to meet with your manager and sort through your priorities (remember, managers sometimes lose track of what everyone has on their plates and need reminding).  Being proactive – recognising that you can only do so much and choosing what to focus on are signs of strategic thinking, not a weakness.

Investigate how you’re standing in your own way.  Are you taking on new responsibilities that are beyond your capacity just to please people, or because feel significant when you’re busy?  Are you wasting time ‘colouring in the title page’?  Are you flapping around your ‘to do’ list – ‘doing overwhelm’ instead of taking baby steps in the right direction?  Are you declining offers of help, or declining to ask for help?  Are you staying busy to avoid a personal problem?

It’s far more empowering to look for changes that you can make and ways to be proactive and in control. Modern-day fairytales involve self-rescuing princesses.  Become one.