Newborn Etiquette: What not to do when visiting new parents

Posted on 28 November, 2014

When you’re pregnant, whether it’s your first baby or your fifth, you’re full of excitement at the impending arrival of your new addition and probably sure you’re ready for anything.

Generally, minor details like how you’ll manage well-meaning visitors post birth won’t even enter your thought process. But maybe those little details are something you should spare thought for because unless you do, those minor details may evolve into some of the most frustrating parts of new parenthood. Whether you’re the new mum or visiting guest rest assured, there are ways to keep both of you happy with these simple considerations.

The unannounced visitor

No one will tell you that being a new parent is easy because it isn’t. It’s tough, it’s really tough. You don’t sleep much, you might not get out of your pyjamas all day and some days, you just can’t be bothered showering. So imagine sitting on the couch unwashed, in your three-day old pyjamas with spit-up crusted on your shoulder and there’s an unexpected knock on the door. You consider hiding but your dog has already rushed to the door in greeting. So with a big sigh, you trudge to the front door and open it begrudgingly to a huge smiling face and outstretched teddy bear.

Unless you’re onto it early and make it public that you would prefer people to call, there’s a high probability that at some point, this will be you.

Although friends and family mean well, it may be a good idea to be open and honest when you let people know your baby has arrived. When you send the obligatory text/email announcing the safe arrival, try adding a simple ‘We’ll let you know when we’re feeling up to visitors’ to let people know you’re not ready for guests. And if you’re the guest, try to understand and be patient. Eventually, you’ll be able to find a time for a quick visit that will suit you both.

Overstaying your welcome

Newborns don’t sleep for long. They sleep a lot, but never more than about three hours at a time. Their tiny stomachs can’t hold enough food to sustain them for much longer than that. Once you add in feeding, there aren’t long periods of time when new parents can do everything (or anything) else. Add sheer exhaustion from lack of sleep to the mix and there’s a chance they might not be up for hours and hours of visiting time at first.

As babies get older, they’re awake for longer, feedings become more spaced out and everything tends to become easier on the parents. So when you visit in the early weeks, try to be conscious of how the parents are feeling running on minimal to no sleep and keep your visiting time to a minimum. If you don’t, there’s a good chance they might unsubtly usher you out the door anyway.

Expecting a cuddle

New parents, especially first timers, may have trouble getting their baby to sleep in the early weeks for any solid period of time. This means when their baby is asleep, time is precious and parents may not be willing to wake their baby or pass him/her around for cuddles.

Although it may seem overprotective at the time, it’s important to understand that parents, particularly mothers, go into self-preservation mode when their child is first born. If offending someone by not allowing them to wake your baby is going to afford the parents an extra hour sleep, chances are they’ll happily offend when necessary. Don’t forget that that baby will soon grow into a rampaging toddler covered in food and dirt and those same parents will gladly pass off their child to you, maybe even for the whole day.

Obviously, some parents will always be more relaxed than others and have no qualms about unexpected visitors who stay for hours and want to wake their baby. The main thing to remember when you do make that visit is to try and recognise the signals being given:

If they open the door in their pyjamas, hair askew; ask if they’d prefer you come back another time;

If you’ve been there a while and they stand up and glance at the door; it’s time to head home; and

If they look panicked when you go near their sleeping baby; say you’ll wait until their baby is awake for a cuddle.

Are you a new mum? Maybe you’ve been the visitor on the receiving end of some not-so-subtle hints to leave. What else should be considered, by either or both parties?

Need help navigating the array of services out there for new parents? Check out our comprehensive guide – Part 1 and Part 2.

Feature image of cute newborn baby girl courtesy of Shutterstock.