Women at Work: Nina Booysen

Posted on 28 April, 2015

Nina Booysen wants to get Canberrans talking about sex.

The Jerrabomberra-based sex therapist, of Nina B Sex Therapy, says people in the capital aren’t open enough about their sexuality and often don’t come to her for help until they’ve reached “crisis point.”

“On the surface, Canberra is quite a sterile environment because so many people are public servants and you really have one degree of separation, so there’s a fear of talking about sex,” Nina says.

“It’s quite sad because people shouldn’t be afraid of tackling these problems, as it becomes a psychological issue and can feed into your self esteem, creating anger and resentment.”

Nina sees roughly seven clients a week out of her Jerrabomberra and Lyneham offices, with concerns ranging from premature ejaculation and sexual trauma to couples experiencing mismatched libidos.

“I think some of the most confronting cases is where the men don’t want [sex], because that goes against what we’re led to believe socially and its really hard-hitting for the wives or partners,” Nina says.

“I have so many high powered couples in the public service who come to me, who work very hard and want to conceive but don’t have the time to have sex, or they’ve lost the sexual attention in the relationship and their sex drive is low.”

Nina has an interesting background: raised in South Africa, she began her career in media sales and later worked as an emergency medical technician. She was living in the United States with her partner and working on a radio talk show when she interviewed a man who would change her career path.

“He was a sex therapist and I actually got to talking to him and found what he did really interesting,” she says.

“With counselling and psychology, there’s a lot of focus on domestic violence, drugs and alcohol and depression, but the difference with sex therapy is it’s very uplifting. Sex is really a life affirming thing; if you can be educated by sex and have better relationships, that is a positive thing. I already had a degree in psychology and decided to enrol in a Graduate Diploma in Community Counselling, then a masters in sex therapy, and haven’t looked back since.”

Nina started working as a sex therapist in 2011 and moved to Canberra in 2013.

She says there is a misconception about her job, with many people confusing her with a sex worker.

“I actually have a section on my website saying ‘I am not a sex worker,’ to avoid any confusion,” she laughs.

“There is a lot of misconception that you’re a sexual surrogate. I have to explain that there is no touching in the appointments.”

Nina believes some of that confusion stems from sex therapy being a “relatively new area” for Australians.

“Australians like to think they are very liberated and open minded when it comes to sex but they aren’t really,” she says.

“When it comes to therapy, in America it’s like having breakfast, everybody has a therapist, its not a big deal. But in Australia if you have a therapist people think there’s something really wrong with you and there’s a stigma attached to it. It’s a very private thing for Australians and Australians really struggle to seek help in this area.”

According to Nina, one of the most concerning issues couples face today is the pursuit of perfection, spurred on from movies, television and the rising accessibility of pornography.

“Especially for young people these days, with all these magazines and the internet, it just blurs the lines of what’s real and what’s not, and changes expectations,” she says.

“It totally kills their self esteem because they don’t feel comfortable and the guys feel like they have to go for 45 minutes like they’ve seen in the pornography films – they’re coming to me saying they have premature ejaculation but it’s actually normal what they’re doing. I tell them nobody’s saying you have to have an orgasm each time or these mind blowing sessions – it’s about what works for you.”

Nina says the highlight of her role is watching lives change.

“When things go right, when clients do the work and resolve their issues, that’s what I love seeing most,” she says.

“There was a man I was counselling who had issues with premature ejaculation with his partner. It was destroying him, he was feeling like he couldn’t control the situation, and he felt his time of having wonderful love making sessions were over. But he let me help and he did the work, and I got a beautiful letter after a while with him telling me his life had changed. People are just different when they are happy with who they are as a sexual being and comfortable with the fact that they are actually allowed to enjoy sex.”

For more information on Nina’s counselling services please visit her website, Nina B Sex Therapy.

Got a sex or relationship question? 

Do you have any tricky questions for Nina on sex or relationships? If so email them to hello@hercanberra.com.au if you’d like a reply to acknowledge your question has been received. Your name and contact details will be withheld and Nina will answer all questions in a new monthly series beginning in May. Alternatively, you can submit your question below using the anonymous form and we’ll pass on your questions to Nina. 

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