“As a mother, I sometimes felt judged that my child did not sleep well.  Like it was some error on my part.” Michelle Swadling gets help at the QEII Family Centre.

I like a good night’s sleep. It’s a bit of a running joke between Mr HerCanberra and our kids to stay away from me when I’ve had less than seven hours, because I am grummmmpy. So, you can imagine how well I coped with lack of sleep in the early months of being a parent. But I was one of the lucky ones – both our girls slept through by 12 weeks and have been good night sleepers ever since.

Some mums aren’t so fortunate…for them, the hell of sleep deprivation goes on for many months – even years! This is where The Queen Elizabeth II Family Centre (QEII) comes in. Michelle Swadling shares her experience…

I’m a Canberra Mum with two little boys, a three year old and a 1 year old. My eldest son didn’t sleep through the night until after he was nine months old. When I finally cut out the night feeds, he slept through the night. Problem solved.

With my second bub, I believed I had learnt important lessons from my first. My second baby slept through the night from 6 1/2 weeks until four months.

The night wake ups began with one night feed at four months, then two feeds, then three.  It happened so slowly, I hardly noticed. When the wake ups were every 45 minutes, I knew things were bad.

When I reflect on those periods of sleep deprivation, a black cloud seems to hang.  It affected every aspect of my life – I was tired, oversensitive, snappish.   My husband was exhausted, too- he didn’t sleep because our bub was sleeping in our bedroom.  I work four days a week and I was exhausted.  In the evening, my bedtime would approach and I would dread going to sleep.  When would I be woken?  What’s the point of sleeping when my baby would wake soon after?  Was my baby in pain or unwell?  There was the sheer frustration. “Why won’t you sleep?!”

It was never consistent.  There would be a block of awful nights, and then it would get better for a short while.  I spoke to private sleep consultants and followed their advice, but things would go downhill again shortly after.

As a mother, I sometimes felt judged that my child did not sleep well.  Like it was some error on my part.  The mothers who had “good” sleepers didn’t seem to do things differently to me.  Excuses were made “He’s breastfed” – well, I know formula-fed babies who don’t sleep well and breastfed babies who do.

I believe that when our babies wake in the night, many of us reach for a quick-fix solution-  a bottle, the breast, bringing bub into our bed, a dummy.  Some babies will wake frequently to seek out this sleep association, others will not.  This may be part of their temperament.  When I was sleep-deprived, I did what it took to get my baby back to sleep quickly.  I didn’t have the energy to do anything else.

After several months of undertaking countless strategies, Doctors referrals, nurse’s appointments and Sleep Clinics, my 15 month old and I were admitted to QEII.

What is QEII? According to their website “The Queen Elizabeth II Family Centre is a postnatal and early childhood primary health service for families with children up to three years of age.”  It is a public hospital that provides families with five day /four night residential stays.  However, it doesn’t feel like a hospital.   It is a small building located in the leafy suburb of Curtin.  Each family have their own suite, with a bathroom, queen bed and a room for baby.   Each room opens onto a pretty shaded courtyard.  There are several common areas – a kitchen, dining area, lounge area and large outdoor play area.

During the stay, the staff will work on a one-to-one basis with the family to assist with the presenting issue/s.  Apart from sleep issues, there appears to be a strong focus on feeding issues.  On their website, they state the issues they cover include unsettled babies; complex lactation and other feeding problems; in-risk families; special needs families; mood disorders; parenting support & education; failure to thrive; & child behaviour difficulties.

I had no idea what to expect from QEII. I was warned by hear-sayers that I would be forced to make my child “cry it out” and “it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be”. On the other hand, I had read glowing comments on various online forums.

Our day of admission finally arrived.  We began our stay with a tour of the facilities.  A nurse accompanied us, and explained she would be caring for us for the length of her shift.  At any one time there are several nurses on duty, with each nurse caring for 2 – 3 patients.  The Nurse explained when bub is sleeping they encourage you to nap, or have a massage by a trained massage therapist, or participate in laid back parenting education group sessions. They provide plenty of reading material & educational DVDs. There is “homework” to do every day- setting goals, evaluating your own situation, self-reflection.

I found QEII to be a quiet, pretty place. Visitors are encouraged. During our stay, my husband and eldest son would visit and we would utilise the terrific playroom.

Now for the controversial part – do they make your bub Cry it Out (CIO)? I must firstly state that I hate to hear my babies cry – it breaks my heart and I just want to comfort them. I have never allowed my babies to CIO. I always think of an analogy I read online. If a baby bird cries and his mother doesn’t return to the nest, the baby bird stops crying – he gives up and thinks he will die. The Extinction Method.   I have never felt comfortable with this.

In QEII we didn’t let him CIO. But he did cry. Within a few hours of arriving, we put my baby down for a nap.  As we stood outside the door to his room, my lovely nurse explained to me that we were listening to his cry. Was he hysterical? No. Did he pause in between cries? Yes. Crying is the only way my baby can communicate to me – and he was telling me he didn’t want to have a sleep! But he was desperately tired. We listened to his protest cry and when he became worked up, I went in to reassure him I was there and patted him. I left the room and he gave a few more protests, then fell asleep. From this first nap, we had success. Every time I lay bubba down to sleep he either gave a brief cry – literally for one second- or more often than not, he quietly rolled onto his side to sleep.

Since returning home from our QEII stay, we have now moved from two 15 min cat naps during the day to two 1 hour naps.  Bubba now sleeps a minimum of 12 hours overnight. Sometimes up to 14! He rarely stirs.

I feel so blessed for the opportunity to utilise such an amazing place. The knowledge and kindness of the nurses is amazing.  If you are ever in the situation where your baby cannot sleep, you have tried every suggestion or method and you are at your wits end, I would highly recommend QEII.  Be open to the experience.  Let the nurses guide you, they have years of experience. For myself and my baby, QEII was amazing.